He had a normal sleep that night or
almost normal.
He had woken up from a dream.
He had died in his dream.
As the fact of his own death dawned on
him, he lay petrified at that very instance. He was afraid.
And slowly he began feeling sorry for
having died.
He had made so many plans some for his
own self and some rather large grandiose visions concerning ‘humanity’.
And now after his death, those plans
would die their own deaths.
That was purely the materialistic part
affecting his mental state after his death.
His mind ambled for a while in
causalities and after effects. He concluded that his death was a loss to be
mourned by his own self.
Then he proceeded to the effects it
would cause on people and concluded that the world would be just as fine as it
was before. It was not an event to be celebrated or mourned but one of the many
mundane events that crowd the lives of selves.
So he was feeling sorry for having
died.
Having thus concluded, he wanted to
reverse the chain of events to bring his own self back to life.
More slowly, now when he lay in
mourning another thought crossed his mind.
His death would also impart a sense of
finality to all his travails and desires. Suddenly he was suffused with a sense
of utter humility and blankness. He had never experienced such a state of mind
as this one. This sense of finality, this sense of closure was after all a
fact.
Materially speaking,“So where would
the elements seek refuge when they have disintegrated into further minute
particles?” “Nowhere”, he thought.
So after all, this notion of finitude
which contained humble mumble jumble of daily life (read home-road-office-home)
as well as ‘grandiose visions for humanity’ was a fact. So this must be taken
as a fact, nothing less nothing more.
Slowly and very slowly now he was
feeling less sorry for having died. Somehow he was feeling a little better as
the realization of finitude dawned on him.
And now he was fine with his death and
with the chain of events leading to it. He did not want any reversal of this
chain. He saw death as a charming lady inviting his self into her open bosom.
Meanwhile the sun was rising in the
sky. The sunlight filled his room and he opened his eyes.
The harsh rays of the sun penetrated
his eyes and finding himself to be alive, he felt cheated.
